Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
