I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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