for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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