dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize