i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
