haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He? As in you personified your dick?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
