what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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