got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
