Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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