i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
