Just cropdusted the office
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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