Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
