remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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