he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
