i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
