my vag is so smooth its legendary
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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