You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
