I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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