Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
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Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
did i just pee glitter
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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