please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
