If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
