I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
