are you still at the devil's house?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
