what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
