I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
dude. I can hear the air.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
