I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
