thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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