Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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