OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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