Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
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I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
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You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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