seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
