I smell stomach acid.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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