my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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