Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
