i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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