dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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