no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
