I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
