She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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