I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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