Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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