If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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