giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
