so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
