watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
