Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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