she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
