well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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