I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
