you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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