I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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