I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
