It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
