Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
