69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
