She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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