its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
