We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
