You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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