i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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