How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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