I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
