We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
