I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
