I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
