i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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