oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
