I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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