Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
