Someone shit on the floor
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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