I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am one with the molecules
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
