I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Come see our sink grown plant.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
