I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
