Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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