No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
