onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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