we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
