Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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