I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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